Today, we talked to our social worker and told her that we would not be taking the twins. It was a hard decision. For three months now, we have been fighting to get information on them that we knew their pediatricians had, while we window-shopped for all the twin accessories and imagining the wonderful, impossible tasks ahead. We had begun reading “Raising Emotional Healthy Twins,” concentrating on the philosophy to think of them as two children rather than “the twins.” (Obviously, that never completely stuck) We had talked to pediatricians and specialists about the children’s known medical issues, and there are some esoteric subjects on pediatric endocrinology we could claim amateur expert status at discussing.
Days, weeks, and months went by, and we still couldn’t get satisfactory answers to our questions. It was probably selfish of us to hold on for as long as we did, when the twins might be placed with other prospective parents less concerned with some of these medical issues. We also know that if we waited any longer, it would be harder to place the children so near the holiday season.
Our social worker assures us this case was unusual, and that saying no to this particular match won’t muck up our chances of getting another match with another child or children. For not being religious, we are curiously fatalistic – we will get the right kids for our family when the time is right.
And the twins, G. and J., will get the home they deserve. With all our heart, we wish them well.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
On The Brink
Something’s gonna happen, I just don’t know what or when.
I haven’t updated the blog at all this September because while things are progressing on the novel and baby fronts, they were progressing slowly and I kept hoping to have some announcement to make. Instead, out of a sense of obligation to have at least one new blog post each month, consider this a situational overview.
On the novel front, I’ve been contacted by a new online literary magazine about serializing the novel, publishing two chapters every month for eight months starting at the end of this year. Can’t talk too much more about that except that they’ve sent me a contract and it’s in the hands of my agent and lawyers.
On the baby front, well, something will undoubtedly happen in the next week. The major frustration has been getting straight answers about potential medical issues. Apparently, until we’re at least foster parents, we’re not supposed to talk to directly to the twins’ doctors, so we’re forced to play the world’s slowest game of 21 questions, sending them to our social worker, who sends them to the county social worker, who sends them to the doctor, who has his nurse practitioner answer them. Or not answer them. And then begins the follow-up questions, including questions about why previous questions weren’t answered.
Next week, they have a doctor’s appointment, and we’re sending the questions once again, hoping they get answered with fresh eyes. If they do, and even if they don’t, something will happen in October because we really have to say Yes or No now.
And thus concludes the no-news-is-good-news update.
I haven’t updated the blog at all this September because while things are progressing on the novel and baby fronts, they were progressing slowly and I kept hoping to have some announcement to make. Instead, out of a sense of obligation to have at least one new blog post each month, consider this a situational overview.
On the novel front, I’ve been contacted by a new online literary magazine about serializing the novel, publishing two chapters every month for eight months starting at the end of this year. Can’t talk too much more about that except that they’ve sent me a contract and it’s in the hands of my agent and lawyers.
On the baby front, well, something will undoubtedly happen in the next week. The major frustration has been getting straight answers about potential medical issues. Apparently, until we’re at least foster parents, we’re not supposed to talk to directly to the twins’ doctors, so we’re forced to play the world’s slowest game of 21 questions, sending them to our social worker, who sends them to the county social worker, who sends them to the doctor, who has his nurse practitioner answer them. Or not answer them. And then begins the follow-up questions, including questions about why previous questions weren’t answered.
Next week, they have a doctor’s appointment, and we’re sending the questions once again, hoping they get answered with fresh eyes. If they do, and even if they don’t, something will happen in October because we really have to say Yes or No now.
And thus concludes the no-news-is-good-news update.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
The County Of Los Angeles Deems Them "Cute"
I have pictures of the twins, but I don’t think it’s appropriate to share them on a public blog, particularly since they aren’t ours … yet. But damn, are they cute. Trust me on this. Or you could trust the official statement of the County of Los Angeles on the matter on their adorability. From the report we were given today on the girl:
Current caregiver perceives child as: happy, easy going
CSW perceives child as: cute, curious
And on the boy:
Current caregiver perceives child as: happy, stubborn
CSW perceives child as: curious and loving.
Both are also describes as “very affectionate.” So the huge smiles in the photos are not just for the camera.
We’re sending the reports on to some pediatricians to see if there are any notes back from them. The next step will be to meet them at their foster home … and then, to take them home.
It may just be a matter of a few weeks now. Oh, boy. And girl.
Current caregiver perceives child as: happy, easy going
CSW perceives child as: cute, curious
And on the boy:
Current caregiver perceives child as: happy, stubborn
CSW perceives child as: curious and loving.
Both are also describes as “very affectionate.” So the huge smiles in the photos are not just for the camera.
We’re sending the reports on to some pediatricians to see if there are any notes back from them. The next step will be to meet them at their foster home … and then, to take them home.
It may just be a matter of a few weeks now. Oh, boy. And girl.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Twin & Tonic
So we just got off the phone with our social worker after her meeting with county social workers. Overall, more good stuff than bad. Our concern about the twins not being developmentally on target is largely gone. Since we last talked, they are not only sitting on their own, they’re crawling, cooing, engaged and interested in everything, and sleeping through the night. Who knows, they might be walking soon too.
On the bad side: the mom right now is in rehab, so she sees the kids for 3 hours every Sunday. The county social workers say this is the usual pattern, but once she’s finished with rehab, she’s likely to disappear altogether. The other annoying bit is that the judge on the case is “very thorough,” which our social worker says means parental rights won’t likely be terminated very soon. On the other hand, the county social workers are adamant that the twins shouldn’t be given back to the mother … who, by the way, is pregnant again. Our social worker still consider this a “low risk” case as far as reunification goes. It just might take a while.
So, we said to sign us up for the next appointment, where we meet with the kids’ social worker … I believe we see a photo!
Other than that, looking forward to our 3-day-weekend which begins to tomorrow. In Vegas baby!
Ian says he’s going to “invest” $20 on slots because babies need new pairs of shoes!
On the bad side: the mom right now is in rehab, so she sees the kids for 3 hours every Sunday. The county social workers say this is the usual pattern, but once she’s finished with rehab, she’s likely to disappear altogether. The other annoying bit is that the judge on the case is “very thorough,” which our social worker says means parental rights won’t likely be terminated very soon. On the other hand, the county social workers are adamant that the twins shouldn’t be given back to the mother … who, by the way, is pregnant again. Our social worker still consider this a “low risk” case as far as reunification goes. It just might take a while.
So, we said to sign us up for the next appointment, where we meet with the kids’ social worker … I believe we see a photo!
Other than that, looking forward to our 3-day-weekend which begins to tomorrow. In Vegas baby!
Ian says he’s going to “invest” $20 on slots because babies need new pairs of shoes!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Careful What You Wish For
I was in the gym this morning, when I got the voice message from our social worker, “You and Ian have been selected as parents for the twins. I’m going to give Ian a call now.”
What followed was a series of attempted phone calls between me, Ian, and our social worker. I was on my cell phone getting bad reception in the gym garage, Ian was dealing with work phone calls, and Kitaho was en route between home and work herself. And then there was my brother and sister-in-law calling in because they knew today we were supposed to get the news, even though we had assured them that since the other family had been waiting for children longer than we have, the odds were that we wouldn’t have good news.
So finally, we all connected. It seems that the twins have more medical issues than we thought, and we’re looking into the seriousness and treatability. They are not developmentally where 11 month old children should be, but that is not unusual for preemies. Once we get the medical records, we’ll know whether they’re progressing or if the issues are serious. And the parental rights have not yet been terminated, though that seems to be the direction things are headed. On the plus side, the kids are apparently mentally and emotionally on target, and particularly giggly.
Next step is another, more detailed meeting about the kids and their needs with a larger group of social workers, and when we get the information on that, we’ll know what all is likely to be involved with taking care of them. And then, if we think we can handle it and want to proceed, we’ll meet them in a couple weeks.
Very excited, but on information overload. It’s a lot to process, thinking about dealing with major medical issues for one child, let alone two, so we’re still a bit cautious until we have more details.
Still – I think champagne’s called for. (But then again, isn’t that always true?)
What followed was a series of attempted phone calls between me, Ian, and our social worker. I was on my cell phone getting bad reception in the gym garage, Ian was dealing with work phone calls, and Kitaho was en route between home and work herself. And then there was my brother and sister-in-law calling in because they knew today we were supposed to get the news, even though we had assured them that since the other family had been waiting for children longer than we have, the odds were that we wouldn’t have good news.
So finally, we all connected. It seems that the twins have more medical issues than we thought, and we’re looking into the seriousness and treatability. They are not developmentally where 11 month old children should be, but that is not unusual for preemies. Once we get the medical records, we’ll know whether they’re progressing or if the issues are serious. And the parental rights have not yet been terminated, though that seems to be the direction things are headed. On the plus side, the kids are apparently mentally and emotionally on target, and particularly giggly.
Next step is another, more detailed meeting about the kids and their needs with a larger group of social workers, and when we get the information on that, we’ll know what all is likely to be involved with taking care of them. And then, if we think we can handle it and want to proceed, we’ll meet them in a couple weeks.
Very excited, but on information overload. It’s a lot to process, thinking about dealing with major medical issues for one child, let alone two, so we’re still a bit cautious until we have more details.
Still – I think champagne’s called for. (But then again, isn’t that always true?)
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Growl
So, today, we were supposed to be hearing the result of the 9 o’clock meeting to determine whether we’d be getting the 10 month old twins, who are frankly pushing 11 months now. We received word at 8:30 that the meeting has been put off for another week while they work things out legally. We also were told that the other family in the running has been waiting for six months longer than we have, so as I said in the last post, that means that unless we are demonstrably a better match for the twins, all things being equal, they get the babies.
Oh well, what will be will be. If not these babies, then others will come our way. We’re still naturally optimistic people.
That Pollyannaish sentiment aside, I’m really growly at work right now. Heh heh heh.
Oh well, what will be will be. If not these babies, then others will come our way. We’re still naturally optimistic people.
That Pollyannaish sentiment aside, I’m really growly at work right now. Heh heh heh.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Update on “Ring, Phone, Ring, Part 2”
So we got the phone call about the twins on Monday, and quickly said “yes.” We thought we’d hear back an update the next day, but our social worker only heard back that she’d get a response on Wednesday. Come Wednesday afternoon, we were told we’d hear something today. Not really expecting to hear anything today, we were pleasantly surprised to get an update of sorts.
Long story short: we have a week before we know whether we’re getting these twins or not.
They’re scheduling a “Staffing” which is a meeting where our social worker, another family’s social worker, and the twins’ two social workers (I did not ask if the twins had twin social workers, but that would be cute!) all get together, talk about them, talk about us, talk about this undoubtedly unworthy alternate family, and decide our fate. Apparently, if all things are equal, they decide based on which family has been waiting longest. No idea whether they’ve been waiting for a longer or shorter time than we have.
Also, no idea if it will ultimately be just one other family in the competition (hate to use that word as if it’s a game with children as the prize, but it’s appropriate to how it works).
So after next Thursday morning, we’ll get our real Ring, Phone, Ring call back, and see whether our lives have been turned upside down or not.
Long story short: we have a week before we know whether we’re getting these twins or not.
They’re scheduling a “Staffing” which is a meeting where our social worker, another family’s social worker, and the twins’ two social workers (I did not ask if the twins had twin social workers, but that would be cute!) all get together, talk about them, talk about us, talk about this undoubtedly unworthy alternate family, and decide our fate. Apparently, if all things are equal, they decide based on which family has been waiting longest. No idea whether they’ve been waiting for a longer or shorter time than we have.
Also, no idea if it will ultimately be just one other family in the competition (hate to use that word as if it’s a game with children as the prize, but it’s appropriate to how it works).
So after next Thursday morning, we’ll get our real Ring, Phone, Ring call back, and see whether our lives have been turned upside down or not.
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